"Taking Chance"

I am getting ready to send off letters to my adopted soldiers (www.soldiersangels.org) yet I find myself overcome with emotions. When I came into work this morning there was an article with numerous copies throughout the facility. The article was entitled "Taking Chance" and it was about the ultimate sacrifice of one young Marine and his journey home. My simple words cannot do this young man or any of our fallen heroes justice. The war and the chaos that it reaps seems worlds away yet knowing this young man was from Wyoming brought the war home. It is my fervent belief that our country is not only safer but in so many ways better because of the deeds of our military. Our simple mundane tasks of daily life are possible because of the countless sacrifice of so many.

I pray that all that in our service be protected from harm that all might return safely home. I also pray that we don't forget their sacrifice as we are truly indebted to them for all time.

Semper Fi

John 15:13 "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

Mosiah 2:17 "...when ye are in the service of your fellow beings

ye are only in the service of your God."

**If you would like to learn more about LCPL. Chance Phelps please visit

http://www.chancephelps.org/chance.html

A Great Day

and that is EXACTLY what I did! Scott and I had to drive out of town today and everything was just perfect. Living in such a rural area you have to travel to get to the nearest Wal-Mart, Target, Sam's Club, and pretty much any other chain store one can think of. Traveling that distance, which for me, is more then an hour and fifteen minutes allows for some deep conversation at times. Today was one of those days.

It will not come as a surprise to those reading this that I had basically lost hope of having a family. I had started to gear my thinking that it was just going to be "just" the two of us. I was starting to except that I would never hear the words "Mommy I Love You".

Today, I got a glimmer of hope

we spoke openly and candidly about adoption. Adoption has always held a dear place in my heart as my wonderful little brother is adopted. He is not only my brother but he is also one of my dearest and closest friends.

We had started the adoption process many years ago with a particular agency. I had no idea of the emotional roller coaster that just the paper work could and did cause. There was other reasons in which I will not go into detail. Suffice it to say we have not pursued it since. Right or wrong.....we simply cannot go back and change that.

The good news is; that door is being reopened and that hope is starting to come back!

Finding Some Peace

When I get over whelmed with life I find that the best thing for me is to get outside. This weekend I did exactly that. I grabbed my snow shoes and headed out.

I am blessed to live in a beautiful area. An area where it doesn't take me long to get away from people and civilization. In just a few short minutes I was parked near Strawberry and started my short trek through the snow.

It doesn't take the hurt away but being surrounded by the beauty and the quiet everything at least for the moment seems okay. That everything has its place. Even the hurt and the emptiness.

I can't help but think of the poem "Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost. Here is just a part of it.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

WHY???

In our extended family we are not the only ones who have struggled with infertility. My dear husband’s brother and his wife have struggled with it for their entire marriage as well. We all deal with our trials and burdens differently and I would have to admit that they have bared theirs much better then we have ours. Why, I have no idea. They did however start their marriage knowing that infertility would be an issue. Scott, my dear husband, and I still don’t know what is the cause of ours. We have been given the diagnosis of unexplained infertility. This basically means that the specialists, reproductive endocrinologists simply don’t know why.
The other day while Scott was at work his brother called and told him that they had been placed! In adoption terminology that means that a birth mother had picked them and is due this April. We are in every way so very happy for them! Their hopes and their dreams are coming true and I am truly happy for them.

Then the floodgate opened. I simply couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. As much as my heart was filled with joy for them it was also engulfed with hurt and sadness. Why? Why? Why? Why can’t the hurt just go away? If it is meant to be just the two of us then why does this hurt so much? Why can’t I just be happy for them and forget the emptiness that I feel? Why? Why? Why?
I do not have the answers, I just have the questions.............

My Adopted Soldiers

For the past several months I have belonged to an organization called Soldier's Angels (www.soldiersangels.org). It is a charity organization that sends cards and care packages to our much deserving military. I honestly didn't know how much joy I would receive by participating. I also do not expect any replies as I know our military down time is limited and that they have family who need to be kept up to date.
Today, however, I got a pleasant surprise in my mail. It was a letter from a group of Marines that I had sent a care package to. I was informed that this group was in need of some support and I gladly accepted. Marines hold a special place in my heart so I was happy and eager to help. I also tend to get teary eyed and sappy and it was no different as I read their letter. These young men belong to the EOD Section (the USMC Bomb Squad). They basically take apart the roadside bombs when they are found! I would like to share a part of the letter..........
"I can tell you that we have made a difference out here, regardless of what the media says. The Iraqi's have taken back their country and our country is much safer because of that. We enjoy what we do and are very proud to be a part of such a great nation...."
All I can add is that it is an honor and a privilege to serve these great young men. May the good Lord bless them and keep them all safe from harm.

Semper Fi

My Voice

I commute a fair distance to work and having all that time on my hands allows me time to think. Last night was one of those times. I used to sing a lot. I took voice lessons in college, I was in theatre, and I was always in a choir. Music played such an important part in my life and as I was driving it occurred to me that it has been over 10 years since I sang a solo. (Not that I am any good by any means) It was then that I realized that I have lost “my voice”. I didn’t just stop singing; I lost my reason to sing. As I look back it is also when I started to struggle with my testimony. I came to the conclusion that in many ways my “voice” is tied to my testimony. I can recall singing hymns and other gospel music and the joy that literally “swelled my heart”. I still sing in church, but to be perfectly honest something from within is missing. Please do not misunderstand I know without a doubt that the gospel is upon the earth and that we do have a living Prophet who guides and directs us. My struggle is where I fit in. Where is my place? Do I even have a place? Because I am not a mother will I ever have a place? My struggle with infertility has left a gaping hole in my heart. I used to know that there would come a day that I would hold and softly sing to my precious little one. I believed that my voice could be my child’s source of comfort. Those and so many more gave me reason to sing. As I lost those reasons somewhere along the way I allowed myself to get lost. Fortunately, for me I have a wonderful man at my side that loves and cares for me beyond measure. He is my compass. He is my anchor! He still hears “my voice” when I cannot.

getting started....again

Due to personal reasons I deleted my last blog....I am in the process of recreating it. Bare with me as I try to get this back up and running.

Thanks!