WHY???

In our extended family we are not the only ones who have struggled with infertility. My dear husband’s brother and his wife have struggled with it for their entire marriage as well. We all deal with our trials and burdens differently and I would have to admit that they have bared theirs much better then we have ours. Why, I have no idea. They did however start their marriage knowing that infertility would be an issue. Scott, my dear husband, and I still don’t know what is the cause of ours. We have been given the diagnosis of unexplained infertility. This basically means that the specialists, reproductive endocrinologists simply don’t know why.
The other day while Scott was at work his brother called and told him that they had been placed! In adoption terminology that means that a birth mother had picked them and is due this April. We are in every way so very happy for them! Their hopes and their dreams are coming true and I am truly happy for them.

Then the floodgate opened. I simply couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. As much as my heart was filled with joy for them it was also engulfed with hurt and sadness. Why? Why? Why? Why can’t the hurt just go away? If it is meant to be just the two of us then why does this hurt so much? Why can’t I just be happy for them and forget the emptiness that I feel? Why? Why? Why?
I do not have the answers, I just have the questions.............