My Voice

I commute a fair distance to work and having all that time on my hands allows me time to think. Last night was one of those times. I used to sing a lot. I took voice lessons in college, I was in theatre, and I was always in a choir. Music played such an important part in my life and as I was driving it occurred to me that it has been over 10 years since I sang a solo. (Not that I am any good by any means) It was then that I realized that I have lost “my voice”. I didn’t just stop singing; I lost my reason to sing. As I look back it is also when I started to struggle with my testimony. I came to the conclusion that in many ways my “voice” is tied to my testimony. I can recall singing hymns and other gospel music and the joy that literally “swelled my heart”. I still sing in church, but to be perfectly honest something from within is missing. Please do not misunderstand I know without a doubt that the gospel is upon the earth and that we do have a living Prophet who guides and directs us. My struggle is where I fit in. Where is my place? Do I even have a place? Because I am not a mother will I ever have a place? My struggle with infertility has left a gaping hole in my heart. I used to know that there would come a day that I would hold and softly sing to my precious little one. I believed that my voice could be my child’s source of comfort. Those and so many more gave me reason to sing. As I lost those reasons somewhere along the way I allowed myself to get lost. Fortunately, for me I have a wonderful man at my side that loves and cares for me beyond measure. He is my compass. He is my anchor! He still hears “my voice” when I cannot.